“As a pro­fes­sional model who has posed many times for stock pho­tographs in a wide vari­ety of roles, includ­ing as a doc­tor — a pho­to­graph from that ses­sion appears to the right of this endorse­ment — I most heartily endorse and rec­om­mend the Penis Reduc­tion Pills sold by the very fine com­pany behind http://www.PenisReductionPills.com to all my male patients, and to every­one else, in fact, pro­vide they’re at least 18 years of age.”

- Notta Doc­tor, M.D. *

* M.D. stands for “Mod­el­ling Degree”

“We’re both ter­ri­bly excited to be start­ing our new life together, and we owe it all to those penis reduc­tion pills that I bought for Brad.  Before he started tak­ing them, I was sure I’d end up a spin­ster, but now I’m a bride.

I rec­om­mend them for everyone.”

- a woman who kind of looks like Kather­ine Heigl (from Grey’s Anatomy), with her hair up, except it isn’t.

“Many times, when recre­at­ing the per­for­mances of Elvis Pres­ley from his later, chubby period, I’m asked if Elvis would have been a cus­tomer of Penis Reduc­tion Pills.com. I point out that the inter­net and word-wide web hadn’t yet been invented at the time the King died, but that I’m sure he would have been a reg­u­lar cus­tomer of the mail-order ser­vice avail­able. In fact, I’ve heard under the table from some of Elvis’s con­fi­dants that he kept bot­tles of the pills in all of his houses and took them along on every major tour. In his mem­ory, I take a dou­ble dose myself every day.”

–Pop­ulära Sånger­ska, semi-professional Elvis Pres­ley impersonator